Like Riding A Bike

I suppose that I should've been there. Like many times before, I wished that I hadn't been so willing or so eager to go there. Sometimes it feels like going home, a place that I have been gone away from for entirely too long. I miss the presence of it, the touch of it and dearly the sense of comfort that it allows me to feel. I unwillingly admit that I love it, but I am at the same time and space afraid of it. I don't think that I want to love it after it crushed me.

I ask questions openly and without hesitation...I refuse to assume anything. Assuming got my ass kicked. Assuming put me in a place that I wish not to return to - but then the same scenario remains. If I don't try it again - then I won't ever feel the feeling again. The innocence is gone and I leave nothing to spare - my guards are up and these walls are brick.

It scares me when I don't know a person's motives. When a person has glue in-between the top and bottom lip. I get anxious and tired trying to read a person's eyes all the time or trying to guess what it is that actions are trying to display. It is okay to check the situation right where it is, grab the situation in the collar and scream into it's face. I can take it - stronger than ever now - place all the grimy details out on floor. Stomp on them, make love on them, scream over them - but leave none of them untouched.

It is too comfortable to be left alone...I know that when I was there, it felt easy. It felt like I had never left it, like it was mine, it fit over me perfectly, it was as stimulating as spoken word poetry and it filled me with major pleasures although minor in time and space.

It was like riding a bike - I remembered how to push off, how to balance myself, peddling was easy, turning was easy and riding was the thrill of my lifetime.

I guess I miss being there - although I am unsure, I don't know because no one is speaking.

Ultimately I guess I have to get use to not riding that bike. It was my friend(I THINK I MISS THAT THE MOST)