Grace and Peace
This seems to be a day when my patience is at its minimum. The next person who says something to me that my heart doesn't agree with, might find themselves in dire straights. See, I am trying to play that grown woman role...but these people are making things 'round here hard for a sister!
This must be Fuck wit Bliss day! Well, I ain't feeling this Holiday. I have been trying to play it cool, but the top of my head is on fire and I am about to blow up. This job shit, is not the business. I felt like cursing everyone out and then walk my happy ass out the door and knock some shit down on my way. I kept it cool though, my moma taught me how to act in public. See, Moma told me to act my age and not my color.
But, I am begging these people not to take me there. Tonight when I go home to my resting place, I will be calm and lay my head. I will surround myself in candlelight, make a personal cup of Chai Tea, let my soul write for me, let miles play for me and a screening of The Color Purple might be in order.
I will forget the hardening, trying day and be at peace
That is all that matters, right?
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Monday, May 15, 2006
Movin On Up!
Okay, just when I think that it was time for me to breathe, my Sustainer says no...Keep it pushin.
I have a strong notion that says, I will be on my break longer than I expected. I have not been to the Ice House or Untamed Tongues or any other poetry joint for that matter. But, somehow poetry follows me and uses me to its advantage.
I must first share my good news and ask that all pray for me in my future endeavors. I have been asked by one of my professional teachers to try to get my short story published. The story is called "Tearing Down" - my mother says that it reminds her of our family. I guess sometimes you write things unconsciously - not knowing that in fact you are writing about you. So, I will be submitting my story soon. Pray for me!
Ahhhhhh...It sure felt good. Like watermelon on a hot sunny day or when your childhood friend finally stops being grown and comes out to play. Poetry I miss you! He asked that I speak at his wife's 40th birthday party. I was going to say no, but instead I said yes. My friend and I went there and we found ourselves surrounded by beautiful people in a beautiful place. Have you ever met people that were more into hugs than they were into handshaking. Immediately one feels like family...It was warm like that. We laughed, danced, sang, ate, and of course I had to poetry! (bad grammar,I know). I can honestly say, that it was the first time that I have performed and knew for sure that I would be getting paid. I had won the competition at the Ice House and was blessed with $500. I had performed with Kato at the Vocal Xpressions venue and was blessed with $100 and now as I was invited to perform at a birthday party I was blessed with $50. Thank you God, keep the blessings coming.
I have a strong notion that says, I will be on my break longer than I expected. I have not been to the Ice House or Untamed Tongues or any other poetry joint for that matter. But, somehow poetry follows me and uses me to its advantage.
I must first share my good news and ask that all pray for me in my future endeavors. I have been asked by one of my professional teachers to try to get my short story published. The story is called "Tearing Down" - my mother says that it reminds her of our family. I guess sometimes you write things unconsciously - not knowing that in fact you are writing about you. So, I will be submitting my story soon. Pray for me!
Ahhhhhh...It sure felt good. Like watermelon on a hot sunny day or when your childhood friend finally stops being grown and comes out to play. Poetry I miss you! He asked that I speak at his wife's 40th birthday party. I was going to say no, but instead I said yes. My friend and I went there and we found ourselves surrounded by beautiful people in a beautiful place. Have you ever met people that were more into hugs than they were into handshaking. Immediately one feels like family...It was warm like that. We laughed, danced, sang, ate, and of course I had to poetry! (bad grammar,I know). I can honestly say, that it was the first time that I have performed and knew for sure that I would be getting paid. I had won the competition at the Ice House and was blessed with $500. I had performed with Kato at the Vocal Xpressions venue and was blessed with $100 and now as I was invited to perform at a birthday party I was blessed with $50. Thank you God, keep the blessings coming.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
What Cha Gonna Do Now
Grace and Peace
Okay, so you allow yourself to be put out there like that. Only to find yourself ill treated and wishing that you had never done it. If only I could take it back, I would. I would it take back and hide it or tuck it away in a safe place. A place that only I could go to, hidden in deep crevices and that had a winding route. A would hide it in a place that would be hard for anyone to travel to, a road that they wished that hadn't journeyed to on their own.
Opening up is one thing and having that place-moment-feeling, shut down is another thing. I could swear that I didn't know the fire was that hot when I went and stuck my hand in it.
Just dumb I suppose?
Okay, so you allow yourself to be put out there like that. Only to find yourself ill treated and wishing that you had never done it. If only I could take it back, I would. I would it take back and hide it or tuck it away in a safe place. A place that only I could go to, hidden in deep crevices and that had a winding route. A would hide it in a place that would be hard for anyone to travel to, a road that they wished that hadn't journeyed to on their own.
Opening up is one thing and having that place-moment-feeling, shut down is another thing. I could swear that I didn't know the fire was that hot when I went and stuck my hand in it.
Just dumb I suppose?
Monday, May 08, 2006
Almost Like I Saw Before
Grace and Peace
I was surprised that I didn't let her upset me. It must be the passing years or "God " is doing what he do!
Have you ever seen someone turn their lips up so high that they are damn near touching the top of their head. I think that it must have been something like that...I laughed and said to myself, " she will never be satisfied." You know how some people can find fault in everything, every thing except themselves!
I have seen it so many times before that this time was no big difference for me. It didn't bring about any anger or turmoil in my heart. I finally realized that I can't help everyone and I sure can't please all the people that dwells inside my world. Everything that's for me ain't exactly for you and everything that my eyes can capture - your eyes will never see.
Everyday I come closer to finding the core on me, I can't let these zero possibilities implode themselves on me. I'm digging that!
See Bliss Run, See Bliss Dance, See Bliss Poet, See Bliss Break!
I was surprised that I didn't let her upset me. It must be the passing years or "God " is doing what he do!
Have you ever seen someone turn their lips up so high that they are damn near touching the top of their head. I think that it must have been something like that...I laughed and said to myself, " she will never be satisfied." You know how some people can find fault in everything, every thing except themselves!
I have seen it so many times before that this time was no big difference for me. It didn't bring about any anger or turmoil in my heart. I finally realized that I can't help everyone and I sure can't please all the people that dwells inside my world. Everything that's for me ain't exactly for you and everything that my eyes can capture - your eyes will never see.
Everyday I come closer to finding the core on me, I can't let these zero possibilities implode themselves on me. I'm digging that!
See Bliss Run, See Bliss Dance, See Bliss Poet, See Bliss Break!
Friday, May 05, 2006
Remember
I do remember what he said, "Never go into a house that doesn't have a path way leading to its front door."
I came upon a house like that today and I finally understood what he meant. It was something erie about that place. Something about that place didn't sit too well in my stomach. I wanted to turn away, but it held me captive. There in its presence I felt like re-defining who I was and where I belonged. I never want to enter a place where there is no sign of welcome. This house sat far back from the road - there was no welcome mat, no wind-chimes, no flowers growing and no God in that place. A discouraging place if you were to ask me.
A place like that almost seems lonesome - almost like, there you are staring back at you. It made me feel uneasy - I wonder if that's how people feel around me.
While looking at the dirt that covered what could have been a pathway, I wanted to run - almost like it was following me. It made me think more and more about myself, like I was looking at a picture of me. This house couldn't be a mirror image of me, right?
He said, "Well, you never know which way you should go. Because there is no path you see - hell, you could come in any way you please. To me, that's no way to enter anyone's house. The path should be laid out for you. No need in you coming into my house sideways, if the path don't say so. Shit, people likely come in your house through your ceiling if they please - I mean, why not - it ain't like you told them which way to come. That don't make no sense anyhow, should always be something welcoming folks into your place, always."
Yeah, its clear to me now. I remember!
I came upon a house like that today and I finally understood what he meant. It was something erie about that place. Something about that place didn't sit too well in my stomach. I wanted to turn away, but it held me captive. There in its presence I felt like re-defining who I was and where I belonged. I never want to enter a place where there is no sign of welcome. This house sat far back from the road - there was no welcome mat, no wind-chimes, no flowers growing and no God in that place. A discouraging place if you were to ask me.
A place like that almost seems lonesome - almost like, there you are staring back at you. It made me feel uneasy - I wonder if that's how people feel around me.
While looking at the dirt that covered what could have been a pathway, I wanted to run - almost like it was following me. It made me think more and more about myself, like I was looking at a picture of me. This house couldn't be a mirror image of me, right?
He said, "Well, you never know which way you should go. Because there is no path you see - hell, you could come in any way you please. To me, that's no way to enter anyone's house. The path should be laid out for you. No need in you coming into my house sideways, if the path don't say so. Shit, people likely come in your house through your ceiling if they please - I mean, why not - it ain't like you told them which way to come. That don't make no sense anyhow, should always be something welcoming folks into your place, always."
Yeah, its clear to me now. I remember!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Love and all of the acquainted Bullshit
My journey proves to be even more exhausting than I thought. I have recently had to turn down offers to perform that I would have normally jumped at. Not to mention that finals week starts on Monday and the professional teachers are really laying it on thick. I am so ready to graduate that I can feel the sensation of the ceremony in every second of my day. First, I must get through summer school and the agonizing months of the fall semester and then I will be free like Shelley's Sky Lark, only to find myself in Atlanta lost in the hallways of Clark.
The spirit of love is passing through me - the need for it, longing for it. Ultimately I miss it and wish that I had it on my fingertips like syrup for me to lick. I think that what is more overwhelming than anything is the fact that I know that every night I will be going home only to find me. Only to peek at everything that is me, and be encumbered by it. Where is he? How come he is not there when I open the door? Why isn't he asking me about my day and if this morning when I arose did I pray? Why isn't he rubbing my feet and scratching my head - so that the heaviness of my day could go away?
So now comes the bullshit...creeping, seeping, leaking through my atmosphere. Making it all foggy up in here, making the air thin and the notion of frustration live again. I thought that I was over it, thought that I had lived past it and was able to look back at it and smile at it. I thought wrong - I didn't realize that I was not completely over it, I was living in it and not past it and I couldn't even look back, let alone look back and smile at it. The incident was still all over my teeth like this afternoons lunch. My triumph, however, is that I was able to recognize it, see it standing there and pay it no attention. LIVE, GIRL, LIVE! To summarize it, I had let "him" come in and turn my world upside a damn wall - then like it was nothing to me, I let it and him go. Here I am back at square one, this time licking on a loli-pop.
The spirit of love is passing through me - the need for it, longing for it. Ultimately I miss it and wish that I had it on my fingertips like syrup for me to lick. I think that what is more overwhelming than anything is the fact that I know that every night I will be going home only to find me. Only to peek at everything that is me, and be encumbered by it. Where is he? How come he is not there when I open the door? Why isn't he asking me about my day and if this morning when I arose did I pray? Why isn't he rubbing my feet and scratching my head - so that the heaviness of my day could go away?
So now comes the bullshit...creeping, seeping, leaking through my atmosphere. Making it all foggy up in here, making the air thin and the notion of frustration live again. I thought that I was over it, thought that I had lived past it and was able to look back at it and smile at it. I thought wrong - I didn't realize that I was not completely over it, I was living in it and not past it and I couldn't even look back, let alone look back and smile at it. The incident was still all over my teeth like this afternoons lunch. My triumph, however, is that I was able to recognize it, see it standing there and pay it no attention. LIVE, GIRL, LIVE! To summarize it, I had let "him" come in and turn my world upside a damn wall - then like it was nothing to me, I let it and him go. Here I am back at square one, this time licking on a loli-pop.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Birth of The Cool
I have discovered Miles! Miles Davis...That brotha is beyond cool, beyond dynamic, beyond innovative! He opens me and takes me on a journey through universal translation. His music is enough to open up healed wounds and declare that they are still alive and still there. I envy his power of transformation and the fact that no one piece of work sounds the same.
During my study time I take a break and let Miles take me to where-ever it is that he is going. I let him take me by the hand and guide me through ghetto streets and smelly coffee shops and the faces of ugly women that he dare not look at. I see him- yeah, I see him playing on top of buildings and beside trees. I see him, while stating, performing, living my poetry. He is every poem in motion, he brings alive everything that is still. Miles, my man Miles is real!
During my study time I take a break and let Miles take me to where-ever it is that he is going. I let him take me by the hand and guide me through ghetto streets and smelly coffee shops and the faces of ugly women that he dare not look at. I see him- yeah, I see him playing on top of buildings and beside trees. I see him, while stating, performing, living my poetry. He is every poem in motion, he brings alive everything that is still. Miles, my man Miles is real!
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